When we do this we define ourselves by what others think of us as opposed to what we think of ourselves and this leads us to a never ending pattern of trying to please people who, frankly, have their own agendas.
And consciously or unconsciously, others agendas may or may not be what is in our best interest.
What’s worse is that when we give away too much, we raise our own bar on what becomes expected of us from others. I have seen women who are complete givers become taken advantage of and resentful of the people who they give so much to.
This is because there is an unequal exchange of energy and implicitly many of these women expect that the person that they are giving to will appreciate and value them more-when instead they often simply expect more.
It is so important that we are aware when we are trying to derive our value outside of ourselves and to change that.
Brene Brown sums it up poignantly:
“When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness—that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging—lives inside of our story.”
It takes going deeper to find out who we are so that we can honor that beautiful essence of our spirit instead of defaulting to everyone else’s perception of who they want us to be.
And this is where the magic happens, where we begin to live our life authentically. This is where we honor our own spirit and make choices based on what is in our highest and best interest.
It is sometimes scary, often exciting and fills our life with purpose and passion.
I am NOT saying that it isn’t good to be a giving person and I do believe that giving is wonderful.
However when you give because you want to be loved, valued appreciated and that is not happening and you keep giving more, that is a sign that you need to reevaluate why and start finding your value in yourself.
As Brene Brown says” stop hustling for your worthiness”.
You ARE worthy….simply because you are YOU!
Marianne Cherico helps Baby Boomer women create a life filled with joy, passion and purpose so that they can create a Smokin’ Hot Second Half. She is proud to be a member of this generation of women who changed the world for women, presenting future generations with limitless opportunities to thrive and grow into lives that are meaningful and authentic. It is Marianne’s sincerest pleasure to help these women find their purpose, work through limiting and self- sabotaging beliefs and step into their own brand of magnificence. You can get a taste of Marianne’s teaching by downloading her free report “How to Plan for a Smokin’ Hot Second Half” on her website here: http://www.coachingbymarianne.com